So here is my favorite chapter of the book I am attempting to write. If you have read parts in the past this will be a sneak peek of the next installment. This is the first two pages, I will post a couple pages a day.
Chapter 8 from House of Dust
Teagan in the Labyrinth
Teagan lay on the soft grass and stared up at the glorious blue sky. Once again the weather was perfect, as it had been every day since the thunderstorm the day they arrived. Maggie wasn’t joking when she said that it never rained here. She sighed and rolled over onto her belly looking out across the crystal blue pond of water.
It had been over a week since Maggie had sent out messengers to find out more information on the whereabouts of Teagan’s parents and now she just waited impatiently. Wanting to escape the strange world she was currently trapped in, she woke up early and packed her bag full of food borrowed from Maggie’s well-stocked kitchen. She brought along her journal and the mysterious leather-bound book and searched for a place where she could be alone and not have to face another person, especially her sister who she feared she had disappointed, and Liam, who was content with ignoring her.
After hours of exploring Pond Haven in the early morning light, Teagan happened upon a beautiful labyrinth set behind the training fields. The walls of the labyrinth were tall, thick leafy bushes that were spotted in lavender flowers and smelled like a heavenly mixture of lilac and honeysuckle. She spent the morning wandering these strange pathways and getting happily lost in the flowers. She had never felt lonelier in all her life, but at this moment she was happy to be ignored.
She had explored the mysteries of the labyrinth for what seemed like hours when she finally came to the exact center of the labyrinth and found the most beautiful pond she had ever seen. Its water was a clear, sparkling blue and it was surrounded by soft white sand. Butterflies flew lazily in the air and Teagan could swear she could just make out a soft sound like wind chimes. The breeze blew gently and the sun warmed her skin. Instantly, she smiled widely at this piece of perfection and threw down her bag and the book. She kicked off her leather, strappy sandals and ran to the pond, jumping into the water. It was the perfect temperature, cool but bearable. She swam slowly in the water reveling in the perfection. After awhile she floated on her back and relaxed. It was the first time she had felt completely at ease since her parents had been taken and she wanted to stay here forever. She reluctantly stepped out of the water to dry off in the warm sun.
Now she lay on the soft grass just outside the pond, relishing in the warmth of the sun. She felt different somehow, peaceful and at ease, she felt that she had come to terms with everything that happened and was ready to face her fears. She felt more powerful, and somehow, beautiful. She wondered if it was something in the water or if it was the magic of this place, but at the moment she didn’t care where it had come from. She closed her eyes and realized her skin felt somehow more alive. It was tingling pleasantly and the grass felt somehow more soft than it had felt before, the sun more comforting and the smell stronger, but more pleasant. She could clearly here wind chimes now, but now it sounded more like the mellow chimes that are made of bamboo. She felt as if all her senses were heightened somehow and she ran her fingers over the grass enjoying the richness of it all. Liam crept into her mind and she felt her pulse quicken and her cheeks warm. She imagined his sandy hair and his deep brown eyes, the curve of his mouth, the ropy muscles of his arms. She smiled wanting to lose herself in his arms, but she stretched lazily and slowly opened her eyes.
She ran her fingers through her hair and realized that it had dried already and felt somehow wavier than ever before. She sat up and looked at the dress she had put on this morning, a simple knee-length, cotton spaghetti strap dress. She stood up and spun a slow circle, feeling her dress and suddenly the fabric became softer, smoother. Her dress had suddenly transformed into a pearly satin dress, the same dress, only better. She stopped suddenly, staring at her hands.
Her breath came in shallow gasps. Had she just done that? She had been thinking that the dress seemed too simple for this beautiful place and when she had run her hands across the fabric it had miraculously transformed. I couldn’t have done that, it’s not possible. She thought as she dropped her hands and shook her head. Suddenly she heard a noise to her left and though she should have been frightened, she felt amazingly calm. She stared at the break in the bushes that opened towards the pond with curiosity and not with fear as she would have done before.
Liam strode through and stopped short, staring at Teagan with surprise.
“Teagan? What…” he stopped midsentence and stared at her. His eyes moved slowly up and down her body, over her hair and finally settled on her face. Teagan knew she should have felt embarrassment, knew she should have felt the familiar flush in her cheeks but instead she felt strong, beautiful and charming. She smiled at him watching her, not feeling self-conscious in the least. Somehow she felt empowered and more confident. She confidently walked up to him and stopped an arms length away, she had the urge to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him and she knew, somehow, by the look in his eyes he wouldn’t protest. Yet, she was feeling strangely powerful and a little spiteful.
“Teagan, you look…You look amazing.” He stammered and smiled shyly, this was unexpected to Teagan who had started to notice that Liam was a little smug and cocky.
They had been here a week and for the most part Liam seemed to be avoiding Teagan at all costs. She was hurt and confused, Liam was the first guy she had ever had feelings for and before they had arrived in Animus Gratia she was starting to think he liked her, too. But since arriving here he had begun to be cold towards her, turning his head when she looked at him and sometimes even leaving a room when she entered.
It had been over a week since Maggie had sent out messengers to find out more information on the whereabouts of Teagan’s parents and now she just waited impatiently. Wanting to escape the strange world she was currently trapped in, she woke up early and packed her bag full of food borrowed from Maggie’s well-stocked kitchen. She brought along her journal and the mysterious leather-bound book and searched for a place where she could be alone and not have to face another person, especially her sister who she feared she had disappointed, and Liam, who was content with ignoring her.
After hours of exploring Pond Haven in the early morning light, Teagan happened upon a beautiful labyrinth set behind the training fields. The walls of the labyrinth were tall, thick leafy bushes that were spotted in lavender flowers and smelled like a heavenly mixture of lilac and honeysuckle. She spent the morning wandering these strange pathways and getting happily lost in the flowers. She had never felt lonelier in all her life, but at this moment she was happy to be ignored.
She had explored the mysteries of the labyrinth for what seemed like hours when she finally came to the exact center of the labyrinth and found the most beautiful pond she had ever seen. Its water was a clear, sparkling blue and it was surrounded by soft white sand. Butterflies flew lazily in the air and Teagan could swear she could just make out a soft sound like wind chimes. The breeze blew gently and the sun warmed her skin. Instantly, she smiled widely at this piece of perfection and threw down her bag and the book. She kicked off her leather, strappy sandals and ran to the pond, jumping into the water. It was the perfect temperature, cool but bearable. She swam slowly in the water reveling in the perfection. After awhile she floated on her back and relaxed. It was the first time she had felt completely at ease since her parents had been taken and she wanted to stay here forever. She reluctantly stepped out of the water to dry off in the warm sun.
Now she lay on the soft grass just outside the pond, relishing in the warmth of the sun. She felt different somehow, peaceful and at ease, she felt that she had come to terms with everything that happened and was ready to face her fears. She felt more powerful, and somehow, beautiful. She wondered if it was something in the water or if it was the magic of this place, but at the moment she didn’t care where it had come from. She closed her eyes and realized her skin felt somehow more alive. It was tingling pleasantly and the grass felt somehow more soft than it had felt before, the sun more comforting and the smell stronger, but more pleasant. She could clearly here wind chimes now, but now it sounded more like the mellow chimes that are made of bamboo. She felt as if all her senses were heightened somehow and she ran her fingers over the grass enjoying the richness of it all. Liam crept into her mind and she felt her pulse quicken and her cheeks warm. She imagined his sandy hair and his deep brown eyes, the curve of his mouth, the ropy muscles of his arms. She smiled wanting to lose herself in his arms, but she stretched lazily and slowly opened her eyes.
She ran her fingers through her hair and realized that it had dried already and felt somehow wavier than ever before. She sat up and looked at the dress she had put on this morning, a simple knee-length, cotton spaghetti strap dress. She stood up and spun a slow circle, feeling her dress and suddenly the fabric became softer, smoother. Her dress had suddenly transformed into a pearly satin dress, the same dress, only better. She stopped suddenly, staring at her hands.
Her breath came in shallow gasps. Had she just done that? She had been thinking that the dress seemed too simple for this beautiful place and when she had run her hands across the fabric it had miraculously transformed. I couldn’t have done that, it’s not possible. She thought as she dropped her hands and shook her head. Suddenly she heard a noise to her left and though she should have been frightened, she felt amazingly calm. She stared at the break in the bushes that opened towards the pond with curiosity and not with fear as she would have done before.
Liam strode through and stopped short, staring at Teagan with surprise.
“Teagan? What…” he stopped midsentence and stared at her. His eyes moved slowly up and down her body, over her hair and finally settled on her face. Teagan knew she should have felt embarrassment, knew she should have felt the familiar flush in her cheeks but instead she felt strong, beautiful and charming. She smiled at him watching her, not feeling self-conscious in the least. Somehow she felt empowered and more confident. She confidently walked up to him and stopped an arms length away, she had the urge to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him and she knew, somehow, by the look in his eyes he wouldn’t protest. Yet, she was feeling strangely powerful and a little spiteful.
“Teagan, you look…You look amazing.” He stammered and smiled shyly, this was unexpected to Teagan who had started to notice that Liam was a little smug and cocky.
They had been here a week and for the most part Liam seemed to be avoiding Teagan at all costs. She was hurt and confused, Liam was the first guy she had ever had feelings for and before they had arrived in Animus Gratia she was starting to think he liked her, too. But since arriving here he had begun to be cold towards her, turning his head when she looked at him and sometimes even leaving a room when she entered.
Hey, I know there are two more parts, but I didn't want to forget to say this. You tell us how Teagan feels a whole lot, but you never show us. How about throwing out the word felt, and finding another way to tell us. Also, the best piece of advice from Stephen King's on writing is to try to throw out all your -ly words. It means you have to find another way to convey what you want to say, but it's really helped me, especially when my characters speak to each other. So instead of telling us that she walked confidently, show us that she's confident. Let us draw our own conclusions (and this is from someone who also likes to tell people how to feel when they're reading, lol). But I like this so far, and I'm going to read the other two parts right now.
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